an "ah ha!" moment

so, sunday david was so sick we didn't go to am service and for any of you who know david, that's really sick! he spent most of the day in bed and as such that night was not tired, but still sick and couldn't sleep. having an insomniac for a wife he thought no biggie, i'll just talk to her till i fall asleep. it's not like i'm keeping her up. well sometime around 3:45 am (passed this insomniac's bedtime) he realized he was keeping me up now. and i started thinking "now i know how he feels when i won't shut up and it's passed his bedtime." which of course i turned around on him, not wanting to face my own sin, and said "so now you know how it feels to not be able to sleep and have a million things you wanna talk about but never do cuz there are screaming kids and obligations and work and laundry", yeah i was laying it on thick.... at which he responded with poking while laughing and saying "do i hear bitterness, is that resentment pouring from my sweet wife?" indignantly i replied, cuz really how else can you reply to such an accusation..."it's not bitterness, i just want you to understand how i feel and i am genuinly happy that you can now better understand me cuz you're walking in my shoes" (as nice as that all sounds, don't be fooled i said it with a whine and a pout and a pile of emotional expectations). i continued with,"being understood is one of my favourite feelings" he decided then that there was my "love language"- being understood. and you know what i think he's right even if it's not an option in that stupid book. i tried to think through what some of my other favourite feelings were and you know what i could only come up with 1 that topped that. i then continued with, "it's right up there with a really good prayer. not the kind you say at lunch or in the midst of crying kids and laundry monsters when your thanking Him or crying out to Him for help, but that kind when you know it's just you and God and you're in His prescence and He's listening to you and it doesn't matter what all is going on around you, your eyes are closed and it's totally dark and a beautiful darkness not an ominous kind. and you're talking to Him and he's understanding you and you know He is and you know He's understood you before you even spoke, before you said dear God. " now i don't know if you've ever had the blessing of one of those moments with God or if everytime you pray it's like that. i just know for me it happens every so often and it is always a treat and a surprise and so unexplainable, and though i've just tried to explain it really i've done the experience no justice with my lame words. in any case, all this time you've been reading to learn what my ah ha moment was. so here's the meat .... drum roll.

i want david to understand me because i want God to understand me. and God does understand me and david doesn't and so i get mad at david for not being God- how dumb. i mean they write this kind of stuff in most every woman's bible study-"don't expect your man to be God, he's not" and "God is our Husband and He is the One we are to be fulfilled by" and don't look to your husband for things only God can do". "your husband and you are a picture of Christ and the church and so it's what God wants your marriage to look like" when i love and submit to my husand i am acting like Jesus wants the church to be and when david leads and is willing to sacrifice and even lay down his life for me he looks like Jesus. this is from Ephesians 5:22-33

 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

but i just got it for myself, at least in this area. stop expecting your husband to be omniscient, katrina, and to understand you like God understands you, instead worship God for how awesome He is that He can do what no man can do. instead of complaing to david that he doesn't understand you, pray to God and thank Him that He can. replace the bad thinking with the good thinking (put off/put on). God is my husband, and He is a perect husband. David is my husband, but he is not God, so he's not perfect but i do have to say that by God's grace and power in David's life i do have a pretty-good-imperfect-husband who i can go to the throne of grace with in prayer and know that we are both understood by our God who "knows what we have need of before we ask" and who "knows the heart of man". God is good!